We know this really has nothing to do with jobs or resumes but it's Friday. Give us a break. According to an article from Reuters, drug traffickers in Italy used a rare python as a form of protection for a valuable stash of cocaine. After a special police force was called in to contain it, they determined that the snake's guard-dog-like behavior could only be attributed to one thing: training. We guessed it was Voldemort. So like anyone who was alive in the 90s, we instantly thought that Harry Potter would have kicked ass at solving this problem and taking down those dark and dangerous wizards who seek to destroy the Muggle World through excessive drug use. After having us put together a stellar resume for him, we imagine Harry Potter's interview would have gone something like this:
Interviewer: "So Harry, I see that you've defeated Voldemort 7 different times as chronicled in your books. Do you think that defeating someone 7 separate times might not actually be defeating them, but rather just dragging it out?"
Harry: "Voldemort was very calculated, he had a lot of plans. And in all fairness, I was 11 when it all started."
Interviewer: "So if it's taken you 7 years to defeat Voldemort, how do you expect to over take an entire army of drug wizards with guard snakes?"
Harry: "I'm a Parseltongue."
Interviewer: "How do you expect to defeat an entire army of drug wizards with guard snakes?"
Harry: "I'm a Parseltongue... and I started Dumbledore's Army."
Interviewer: "And now Dumbledore's dead, so I'm not sure I'm too convinced by that one."
Harry: "He trusted me, he believed in me more than anyone and he was the greatest wizard of all time."
Interviewer: "Can you tell me a little bit about your relationship with Dumbledore, since it was clearly sexual?"
Harry: "What? I'm not a --"
Interviewer: "We want you to know we're an equal opportunity employer. Just curious is all."
Harry: "I married Ginny Weasley!"
Interviewer: "You mean your best friend's younger sister who looks exactly like your deceased mother."
Harry: "Um..."
Interviewer: "Not exactly a Chamber of Secrets, that one, Harry. Well whatever. Strange sexual habits and poorly planned ideas aside, we'd like you to speak with the head of Wizard Drug Control for a further interview."
Harry: "I don't have strange sexual habits, sir, but I would appreciate an interview. Times are a bit hard -- you know how those Weasleys populate. I've got a boat load of kids these days."
Interviewer: "Alright, well sounds like you are willing to work hard and... ah, who am I kidding? You're Harry F*cking Potter. You're hired."
Freakin hilarious. My favorite post TO DATE! That is all :)
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